


My hands are not that perfect

by Oofers



Series: Lost and Found AU [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Autistic Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Has Dermatophagia, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has Eczema, Don't worry they'll get together soon, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Holding Hands, Insecure Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Mutual Pining, No beta we duck out like virgil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27795748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oofers/pseuds/Oofers
Summary: “Remus, is there something wrong? You usually hold my hand whenever you want to.” Logan questioned.Remus lightly scoffs. “Sorry, I just don’t feel like it.”As much as Remus loved himself, he didn't like the image of his hands and he often will cover them up with a glove. Today, he forgot to bring them and all his insecurities seem to surround him.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: Lost and Found AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025449
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	My hands are not that perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I like to self project a lot. And I just want my hands held, is that too much to ask?

After work, Remus and Logan both planned to hang out around the town since they want to relax and have fun. Over the months, Remus had gained a fondness for Logan. He’d gotten quite keen of him before but it was enough to make his heart beat whenever the nerd speaks.

Today was no exception, but an exception also.

Remus forgot his gloves. He always brought them around and it was his main source of comfort in public. In short, Remus has dermatophagia, a BFRB that causes a person to bite one’s own skin. He cursed to himself many times as he was walking to get Logan from his apartment.

When Remus sees the nerd, he’d always raise his arm and wave him a hello. But without his gloves, he felt like he couldn’t do something like that due the fear of Logan staring at his hand. So the second best thing he could do was to give him that little shit smile.

Logan smiled back at him. Remus always finds it adorable whenever he smiles with those pretty lips. How he wished he could just kiss them.

But, that was another time to think about for later.

As the two walked beside each other, Logan offered his hand to hold with. It’s been casual for them to hold each other's hands or show affection since both are equally touch starved, but none admitted to that.

Sadly, Remus declined. He was afraid how Logan’s reaction may be when he felt how not smooth his fingers were.

And it seems that Logan found out about Remus’ denial. “Remus, is there something wrong? You usually hold my hand whenever you want to.” He questioned.

Remus lightly scoffs. “Sorry, I just don’t feel like it.”

He really did feel like it but he had a worrisome. Logan looked back sadly and put his hands back in his pockets and Remus did the same.

As they continue to walk, Remus found the flower shop he worked in. He used his head to point to the direction and Logan noticed.

“Oh, we’re going to the flower shop?”

“Yeah, I want you to meet my boss in person. I mean, you did but as a human!” He said happily.

“Hm. Sure.” Remus giggled as they went inside the shop.

Logan went to the shop before but now he’s seeing it in a human’s eyed view. He could see multiple colors of pansies, he always adored those flowers. Maybe he should buy them.

In front of him is the boss, Janus. Logan realized that half of his face was filled with rashes and his eye was greenish-yellow. Remus skipped and wrapped his arm around the man; and Logan couldn't help but see that his hand was balled up seemingly tight.

“Logan! This is Janus, remember him from our second encounter?”

“Greetings, Janus.” Then, Logan’s eyebrows raised after having a realization. His lips formed to a little smile. “Your name reminds me of that Roman poet.”

Janus’ face shifted from a smile to something unsure. “Oh no, don’t bring that up because-”

“Logan, do you know that the actual pronunciation of Janus is J-anus? Like the butt?” Remus interrupted. Yeah that was what Logan was thinking about.

“Yeah, but I see why he doesn’t want to use that version.” He replied with a hint of laughter. A few seconds later, the two begin to laugh at that little joke, and Janus admittedly laughs also.

“Jesus, how much has Remus put his humor onto you?” Janus asked.

“He did send me a bunch of… not so PG memes. I usually got used to his humor and I added on to it.”

“With anatomy facts! Janus, do you know that bees lose their penises while mating-”

“Okay! You two can go now!” Janus yelled out as his face was burnt with red. He gave Logan an awkward smile. “It was very nice meeting you, Logan. I really hope you have a good day.”

“I hope yours is doing good also.” Logan replied. Before leaving he looked back at the pansies that just stand there so perfectly. He asked the boss. “Is it okay if I buy these pansies?” Janus nodded and let the man buy the flower.

The two left the workplace as Janus began to close the store. Remus hums happily as Logan stares at the flower. The petals were as blue as Logan’s jacket and they just stood there so innocently.

Remus had the thought of ripping the flowers and making Logan cry but he shakes his head. Never in his twenty seven years of life did he ever want to see the man cry.

Remus spoke up from their silent walking. “Now you see who Jan the Man is. At least he actually wears a jacket this time.” Logan hummed in agreement while still looking at the flower. Remus wishes he were that pansy.

Logan took his hand off from the little plastic box to try to hold Remus’ hand. Remus thought that it wouldn’t hurt, Logan was focusing on the flower that he probably wouldn’t look at.

So Remus grabbed it by a loose grip, lightly but enough to show that he still liked it. Logan stopped looking at the flower and went to smile at Remus. Their longing gaze was held for so long that they almost walked over the stop light.

Though, Logan wanted to intertwine their fingers. Which for Remus, he accidentally shifted his hand away from the contact. Logan looked back at the man with concern.

“Remus, you can talk to me whenever you feel discomfort. I can always accommodate to the new adjustments.”

Remus looked away from Logan, as his hands began to get antsy. “You won’t get it.” He said quietly.

“Remus, we’re both autistic.” Logan said, emphasizing on the word ‘autistic’. “You can always try to tell me in bits of what’s bothering you and eventually I’ll get it.”

“I know you would, but then you’ll find it disgusting.”

“I’m so sorry.” Logan said. Then there were shuffling-like noises. Remus looked up to see Logan gently taking out the flower to put in his hand, and his other hand dumping the dirt on his head. Remus looked at the man perplexed but Logan could only smile back at him. “There, now we’re both equally disgusting. Now, tell me what’s wrong.”

Remus then let his hands get in front of him. He looked at it until he raised them out front to show it to Logan. Remus was lucky that he at least washed it today so it wouldn’t look that bloody.

He sighs. “Today I forgot to bring my gloves and I know how disgusted people would get when they look at my hands.”

Logan nodded his head. “I know that feeling of judgement a lot.” He related. Remus was surprised that Logan didn’t even look slightly a bit sickened.

“I always thought it was normal at first. But then I look at other people’s hands, and I look at mine. It didn’t look as perfect as theirs. And from my therapist, it seems that I have dermatophagia.”

“Is that why you always dismiss my offer to hold your hand?”

“Yes. I always liked holding your hand, Logan. But the idea of your reaction once you see these frightened me the most and I just don’t want to lose one of our most felt affection.” He admitted with shame.

“Is there anything I can do about this?” Logan asked. Remus brought his hands back down and used his right to point as Logan’s hands.

“Sometimes, I wish that my hands are as pretty as yours.” Remus said. He didn’t know what he was going to expect next.

His reaching hand was then held by Logan’s hand. He placed the poor pansy to the plastic box and then to the cement ground. Then, he held the florist’s other hand. Logan’s hands were warm at the most part. Oh how Remus loved just now that Logan was using his thumbs to rub it.

“Remus, whether you have dermatophagia or not, you’re still a beautiful person. And you should embrace that.” He said as his voice was soft and caring. Remus’ face had gotten red and he bit his lip, making sure he didn’t pick his lip skin.

He plays it off as just another sentence. “Aw shucks, nerd. You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” He smiled so unsurely. But that only made Logan presses down his hands a bit which made their affection warmer.

“I’m being true to my words. Your imperfections are beautiful.” Logan said, putting his head down and kissing Remus’ knuckles.

As much as Remus adored Logan’s affection, the dirt from his head sank down to land on their hands. Both of them quickly let go to sweep off any dirt that went on them. Logan shaked his head wildly that made people stare at him but he didn’t care.

Then, Remus let out a single laugh and ruffled Logan’s hair. “Aw a reference from SheRa? You and Roman should hang out more, he’s into that show by a lot.” Logan looked up and he appeared bummed that Remus didn’t take his little speech. “But thanks, that really boosted up my esteem.”

Logan grinned. “You’re welcome. Do you still want to hold hands with me?”

Remus looked at his bare hands, and then at Logan’s. He grabbed one of his, loosely but a bit more tighter.

“Yeah. I would like that.” He said as he let out a meow.

After Logan got the pansy from the ground, the two continued to keep on walking. They talked about their day and fitted in a couple of flirting.

Remus tried to intertwine their hands but often failed. Logan recognized it and did it for him, squeezing it a bit that Remus found adorable.

“Won’t you mind telling me what this flower symbolizes?” Logan asked out of the blue. Remus looked at the blue pansy and answered.

“Specifically this blue pansy means to trust in love. And well, I guess I’d loved you enough to tell you about this.” Remus flirted. Logan’s face got red and beamed with those pretty lips.

“And your trust was never broken. You know I love you, right?” He asked, trying to reassure him.

“I very much know already. I love you too, dork.” Remus replied. And for once, he felt good about himself.

With so much hand holding and “I love yous”, Remus was much sure that the two should’ve been a couple by now. But as much as Remus and Logan liked each other, there were still things that didn't make him quite sure to make it official.

He still doesn’t have Logan completely tell his story and Remus didn’t share his himself. But they were comfortable with each other, so when that ever happens, they wouldn’t be so afraid to tell what they fear.

And for now, Remus would say that their friendship was more than he could have asked. And he couldn’t ask more for a wonderful person like Logan.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, Logan placed the pansies back at his apartment and he waters them every day and sometimes he'll meow to the flowers song-like.
> 
> Yoooo I have a tumblr it's oofers-fic !
> 
> Disclaimer: The dermatophagia Remus has relates to the level my BFRB has, which is mild. His is a little bit more severe than mine but otherwise, his hands are healthy-like and can be manageable if he's aware just like me.
> 
> So please, don't take it the wrong way to say that you can't ask help if you have a severe condition of a BFRB. If you think your BFRB or skin condition is a concern, do ask for help. All I want to do show is some skin and BFRB positivity to people who has skin conditions or BFRBs.


End file.
